Today I Will Be Brave

I have been working on this post in my head and heart for quite a while.  There are so many aspects to this journey we make through life; but there is one that has pretty much dominated my waking moments for as long back as I can remember....my weight.  My hesitation in writing this has been two-fold.  One is that I am sure people everywhere are sick and tired of hearing complaints about weight and size and all the frustration that accompanies it.  The second, and probably the biggest, is that I am afraid.  Afraid of another failure.  Afraid of being shown to be a fraud or a loser.  I have lost and gained so much weight in my lifetime that it is downright embarassing.  I have "succeeded" and I have "failed" repeatedly during my 54 years. But today I will be brave and stand before this giant in my life as David stood before Goliath in his day.

So what is this all about then? I am on a mission to honor God in every part of my life.  As I search through my life to find ANYTHING that I might honor more than God I find that there is a problem.  When I am sad or bored or really happy do I run to God either to ask for His help or to thank Him for what He has done?  The answer, unfortunately, is not usually.  What, you may ask, do I do instead?  I EAT!

The world has made a joke of women running to the freezer for ice cream when we are depressed or eating chocolate when our heart is broken.  The church has made food the center of almost every celebration known to man.  Stress eating is a topic of conversation in every weight loss group.  The list goes on and on.

So what stirred this particular journey?  I read a book that stirred my heart.  The point of the book?  We were created to CRAVE....but not in the way that the world craves.  We were made to crave GOD!  To long for God!  To run to God when we are sad or happy, broken-hearted or elated.  We were designed to yearn for Him and His fellowship.  I was made to walk in a relationship with God.

And so, my challenge to myself is to allow God to work in my heart and body in such a way that the life I lead and the way I eat will bring honor and glory to HIM.  For me, the culprit that has stolen my heart is carbohydrates....sweets, bread, sugar, starch...all of them.  And the evidence of this theft is carried with me every day that I live...in.my weight and in my physical well-being....right out there for the whole world to see.  As I have been praying over this and debating in my heart what to do I have come to one conclusion.  What I weigh cannot be the focus of this particular journey.  That motivation has failed me time and time again and I am sick of caring about that.  What I DO care about is knowing that I am obedient to whatever God speaks to my heart and that is where this journey begins.  I am not getting on the scale every day because losing, gaining or staying the same is not my focus.  Obedience to God is my goal and my motivation.  I will not be such a hypocrite as to say that losing weight does not matter to me...of course it does!  What I AM saying is that losing weight will be a testimony of what God is doing in my heart and life...not the goal.

I do not have anyone walking this journey with me to hold me accountable and so this blog will by my accountability...hence the bravery :o)  Whether anyone ever reads this, I am baring my heart in these words.  I am making a promise to God and I know that He will respond with His strength and love. 

And so it begins............................................................